It's the Best Day Ever

            The date was Monday, January 31, 2011, to be precise. Since I’m being so precise, I should probably add that I walked into the classroom from the hallway at about 9:27 and headed towards my seat, reached my seat and sat down on it, got out my English materials needed for class that day, then sat down and waited for class to start. If I were to give it a grade on the AP scale, I would give it a 9-, which obviously means that it was my favorite day. Anyhow, “Bobbie’s Blog Banter” soon followed. At the end of her “banter,” she suggested that I dress up as an old man for Halloween next year. This is why it was my favorite day, and why I gave this day a “9-” on the AP grading scale. Had Ms. Serensky suggested that I dress up like a beautiful model or Mo Williams I would give this day a “9/9+,” or potentially even a “9+.” Most people do not consider the day their English teacher tells them to dress up like an old man to be their favorite. I do. Had Ms. Serensky not suggested such a thing, I would not have ventured down to the basement to look for the picture of me as a fourth grader when I actually did dress up as an old man. Upon looking at this picture, most people blurt out “He’s beautiful”(243). Just kidding. When people first laid eyes on the sight, that being me in my old mad get up, they probably thought that they were “sitting there hallucinating a mile a minute”(114). I mean who in their right mind dresses up like an old man? I wish people would have told me “I state quite frankly and openly that you seem to me to be in every way the visible personification of absolute perfection”(31). I mean I thought that I looked good. If I had not ventured down to find this picture, I would not have stumbled across the infamous “Dream Journal” in which I detailed the events of my life from ages 9-11. Therefore, I will forever remember and cherish the day in English in which Ms. Serensky suggested the old man look and helped me to unearth my childhood journal. After referencing my coveted journal so many times, I find it most appropriate to share with you the entry that makes it me like it so much, as well as make this day in English my absolute favorite:

“Hi! Im back. It is nigth! Today we played on the swing set for a long time for so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so long. We played gimungo rocks. Baseicly you swing and than the person who does not swing sneeks to the front yard and gets some rocks from the jarden and they are gimungo rocks they are so so so so so so so so so big and gimungo they come and threw them at us on the when we swing and try to hit us with them and then sneek back to the rocks and get more. It is so much fun I got hit with a rock on my feet and then my shoe come off but not my foot and my toe hurts becuase it is the little one on the end! I do not want a snub becuase my foot falls off. Good nigth. God blesse.”  

A Visit to the Wilderness

This conversation took place between William Bibbet and Ralph a few days after William Bibbet's mother becomes friends with Nurse Ratched. Upon Nurse Ratched setting foot into the Bibbet household for the first time for some dinner, William Bibbet laid eyes on her and immediately evacuated the area. He end up in a wooded area of Sedona, though William "Billy" Bibbet does not have the slightest idea of where he is. He comes across a man named Ralph.
Billy: "No! I d-d-didn't! I was..."(315)

Ralph: "Didn't do what?"

Billy: "Do-do-don't hurt me! Puh-puh-puh-lease."

Ralph: "I'm not going to hurt you. I live here among the squirrels, snakes, and bears my friend."

Billy: "Where am I?"

Ralph: "Sedona."

Billy: "I have been running for a l-l-l-l-l-l-l-long time now. I hope they don't catch me"

Ralph: "Who?"

Billy: "Duh-duh-don't tell"(315).

Ralph: "Who?"

Billy" Don't tell anyone th-tha-a-at you saw me here. D-d-d-on't tell my mother!"

Ralph: "I don't plan on returning to civilization soon, better yet ever. My wife, Bev, hates me. Bev is disda..."

Billy: "AHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

Ralph: (looks around concernedly) Where is Bev?

Billy: "AHHHHHH it's Nurse Ratched!"

Ralph: "Sir, I believe you just laid eyes on a wild bear."

Billy: "It-it-it-it's her. NURSE RATCHED!"

Ralph: "No need to be frightened. Are you frightened?"

Billy: "No, my name is William Bibbet.B-b-b-ut you can call me B-B-illy."

Ralph: "I'm Ralph. My daily activities consist of squirrel watching, snake hunting, and waiting for the world to end. How about you?"

Billy: " Th-th-ere's something over there, a-a-and it looks alot like Nurse Ratched."

Ralph: "Don't worry, I get along with the bears out here, and the squirrels, but those snakes...I'll show you. This brown beauty in particular, I feed him berries and the leftovers of anything I catch. Sometimes these wonders of nature are my sounding board out here. I tell them about my wife and family. Like I was saying before, my wife "Bev is disdainful. She looks down her nose at me."(254).

Billy: "Y-y-you feed the b-b-b-bear?"

Ralph: "Yes, and right about now he looks like could use a little snacky-poo. Better go give it to him. You don't mess with the bears out here."

Billy: "H-h-hoooowwww?"

Ralph: "Well, it's not easy. I'm gonna get real weird with it. There is no normal way to feed a bear without putting your life in danger."

Billy: "o-o-k"

Ralph:  Anyways, like I was saying, my wife Bev and I, "We were a mismatch."(255).

Billy: "o-oh"

Ralph: "Oh, I forgot to mention, this bear right here doesn't always like my leftovers. If he sniffs 'em and does not like them, you will probably be his next meal..."

Billy runs off in a state of panic, clearly favoring dinner with Nurse Ratched at this point.

The Belligerents of AP English 12

            If you can believe it, I, Randle Patrick McMurphy, took AP English in 12^th grade. “Oh, I’m a thinker all right,”(107).  I was fully capable of taking that class. I acted similarly in that class to the way I act now, and I am not sure how much my teacher Ms. Feyrensky appreciated it. If there is one thing I know for sure, that Ms. Feyrensky liked me more than “Old Lady Ratched”(216). She hates me. The funny thing is, I am surprised that Ratched did not see the likes of me much earlier, in particular April 8^th of my senior year, the day I flew off the wall in English class. I nearly landed myself in a mental institution. Afterwards, a classmate of mine Kaleigh said, “Deep breathes, it’s not the end of the world.” Ms. Feyrensky looked a little concerned. Here is what happened. It was the morning of April 8^th, 2011. Ms. Feyrensky chose me to read a part in the Oscar Wilde play that we were reading in class at the time, The Importance of Being Earnest I believe. Anyhow, despite my belligerent nature, I did not feel at all capable enough to successfully fulfill my role as a character. In the institution, I am always causing a stir or putting on a production, like the time I was sent up to disturbed after an altercation with a few workers. The time I screamed at Washington, “You’re nothing but a…“(273). The rest should remain unspoken. Despite my constant dramatics, I did not satisfactorily read my part. My uncharacteristic monotone did not meet Ms. Feyrensky’s standards. She stopped me and encouraged me to put more passion into my role. I declined, but not in the most civil of manners. I told her straight up, “Ms. Feyrensky, you chose me to read this part, I didn’t even want to.” I never have a problem speaking my mind. I had an outburst in which Ms. Feyrensky did not see coming. I was all fired up, and speaking in a disrespectful manner. Usually, I feel as if I am bettering the greater good when I speak my mind. Like when I spoke up to Nurse Ratched and took the boys on a fishing trip. This was the one time that I did not feel that way. I disrespected Ms. Feyrensky and I regret it. I mean she never scared me and went off on me. She was not even scary. Half of the freshman class was taller than her. In other words, how could she be scary? I have issues with anyone who publically announces or insinuates that she scares the freshman. She did not even scare the freshman. An apology is probably still in order, though it was years ago. I’m sorry, Ms. Feyrensky.  That was the worst day ever in AP English 12.

 

You Need to Know...

Dear Voice that talks to Junior,
        I wish that you would have just popped on into my head say August 23rd of 2009. I understand that you were a little preoccupied with the apocalypse, but I could have used a little guidance. At about 9:26 a.m., upon entering Ms. Serensky's room for the first time, you should have just came out and told me, "You need to understand this truth"(8). I am not speaking of the apocalypse. You needed to just tell me straight from the start, "You need to understand this truth: To be in this class you need to know how to read, as in you need to read more than one book a year, not counting picture books" Clearly, I could have used this forewarning. Also, it would have been nice to know ahead of time that on the last day of school I would feel compelled to announce to the whole class my dislike for leisurely reading by saying, "I did not like this book. But then again, I do not read leisurely." Not one of my better ideas. With you there, I could have avoided such a moment. I could have avoided trying to compensate for my remark by guaranteeing my teacher upon leaving the room for the last time that year that I would "read 100 books this summer for sure." Who does that? Unfortunately, this was a minor offense compared to some of the other things I did last year. When Mariel demanded that I share the story about my head, you could have told me, "You're about to make the most important decision of your life to date"(190). By "the most important decision of my life to date" I mean whether or not to tell the story about my big head as a baby. It would have been nice to know that if I told this story, that it would make its way onto the third quarter quotes sheet and that people that were not even in AP English would approach me and ask me for the full scoop in my jumbo sized head. Though I am generally a pretty good student, you would not have approved of my decision to schedule an appointment during school, especially on the day of Spring fest. You probably would have abandoned me forever rather than simply telling me that "We have no choice but to suspend our usual stance of supportive neutrality"(116). See, this is why I needed you to tell me about the future. I need to know when important things are coming up. I am not psychic. The closest crystal ball to me is the one at the Science Center, and I do not even think that it is an actual crystal ball since it did not tell me anything the last time I looked into it. A sister needed some scheduling help, and you were not there to provide it. All in all, I could have used you. But I’d say it is too late now. The more that I think about it, you would have creeped me out.
           
Thanks for allowing me to make a fool of myself multiple times last year,
 Sarah


I needed one of these

And I'm Junice

                                    

      Last week, Ms. Serensky called Jimmy and I out in class, as she believed that we were the two people who had not contributed to our the discussion. Poor Jimmy, he was not even in our group. Unfortunately, I was indeed in the group. Of course, I did not have the word "time" in my paper, the word in which we were to relate to our work. I thought that this would work in my favor, as I believed that it meant that I could get away with not sharing the ideas in my paper with the class. I was delighted...until about 10 seconds later when Ms. Serensky called me out. Then, I was not delighted anymore. I would like to explain the hesitance I possessed towards sharing my paper. I made may references to Saturday Night Live's  Junice from "The Lawrence Welk Show" spoof. After sharing with a few classmates, I realized that none of them watched Junice on a regular basis. I am glad that they do not, because it only airs on Saturday Night Live once or twice a year, which means that they would have to go on nbc.com and watch the same six minute video over and over again (I certainly do not do this. I don't know all the words to all of the videos). That would concern me a bit, as Junice is not your average gal.  Many people tell me that we look alike because we both have big foreheads. It concerns me...greatly concerns me. Despite her weirdness, and occasional inappropriate innuendos, I am a fan of Junice. I am a member of a Junice fan club on Facebook. I invited many friends to join this fan club with me, but none of them did...

I feel you just can not start talking about Junice to a class full of people who do not know the likes of her. When my cousin first talked of "Junice" and her hilariousness, I thought that he was referring to someones grandmother, or some old lady that he knew. Therefore, to just ramble on about Junice in front of 20 people who probably do not even watch her, did not seem to be the most prudent thing. I try to uphold a reputation of being somewhat normal, so telling people about my plans to become "Junice's sister" on Saturday Night Live before the world came to an end seemed to be a bit problematic.

Here is a Junice video. Though you might think that you notice some striking similarities between the two of us, you really don't. Now, maybe, I can speak of Junice.


http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/the-lawrence-welk-show/727501/?__cid=thefilter

Grammer Miss-steaks

      Over the past week or two, I have come to the realization that people just can not spell. I suffer from a mild panic attack when I don't know whether to add a comma to a sentence, while some people go around saying "their" instead of "there." I have received a plethora of interesting text messages over the past few days. These texts, coupled with a few Facebook posts and the signs that I witnessed at the Cavs game tonight, have been quite the shock to my system. Try these out on a paper, and I guarantee that your grade will drop from a 6+ to a 1- in a matter of seconds. They are in no particular order, as they are all just as bad as the next:

1. "Good riddens mo williams" This is a text I received after the departure of Mo Williams from the Cleveland Cavaliers.

2. "How will you get here at 3? Are you going to skip. I'm calling the principle" Another text. Sure, you can call the "principle" on me. Hope they call back.

3. "I'm running a little late. Hold tight I'll be their in a second" Text message gone wrong #3...

4. This one, if you can believe it, was a sign at the Cavs game that a girl hold up as she screamed to Anderson Varejo. She was close to the Cavs bench, so security brought it down and he actually signed it... "ANDERSON VAREJO, I THINK YOU ARE THE LOVE OF MY LIVE!"

...i bet he is the love of your "live"

5. "THE SPURS ARE JUST ANOTHER WEST COSTE TEAM" They have the best record in the entire league, so they aren't just another west coast team...but they are probably just another "west coste" team...

6. A Facebook message. Thankfully it was a message...so that nobody else could see it: "hi! how are you? is the whether warm in by you? its nice here. do you like school?" I said that it was a little chilly out...

The only advice that I can give you is to avoid correcting these people at all cost. Obviously, they do not realize the severity of their grammar issues. Therefore, they become hostile when you point out their error(s). Just pretend like nothing is wrong, and respond politely. Also, I would not recommend using these various spellings in your next essay. Though they are creative in come cases, and interesting spellings, but they will most likely result in a .5 deduction. Believe me, you do not want to start racking up a bunch of half point deductions. After lets say about 16.5, your self-esteem reaches an all-time low. I know from personal experience...

In case you ever run into any confusion:

A Response to "These Are a Few of My Favorite Things"

Last night, my friend/classmate posted a blog entry for the sole purpose of commemorating me before my 18th birthday.(I am not sure we can be friends after this, though)  I would like to thank Kaleigh for the immense amount of effort she put into making my birthday extra special this year. On the other hand, I feel as if her 16 "Favorite Things" need a bit of explanation. Below I have provided experts from her blog entry, along with my defenses.

1. "Sarah is really good at krumping and rapping."

 Kaleigh does not listen to music(maybe except for the occasional classical piece) The few times I have sang some Kanye are the closest thing she has heard to rap. Therefore, she does not understand the true essence of rap, and that my rapping is not good.

2. "The phone messages she leaves for Katie Connolly, truly, they are jewels."

This is why I usually text people.

3. "THE ALL-CAPS TEXT MESSAGES SHE SENDS ME PERIODICALLY, WHAT A YOUNG BELLIGERENT."

I am/ was a young belligerent. In preschool, I got put in time out frequently for meowing and crawling around like a cat after playtime was over.

4. "Sarah was almost named Betsy, in honor of Betsy Ross."

I would have been honored to carry the name of such an important figure in the history of our dear country. People don't forget the "y" at the end of Betsy like they do the "H" at the end of Sarah.

5.  "When she contradicts herself in the course of a single sentence, example:  “No, no, really, I like dogs!” (As she cringes and flinches because of her proximity to a dog). To be fair, the dog in question was climbing on her and licking her face, but it was pretty funny to see Sarah, clearly uncomfortable, insist that she was completely fine with a dog climbing on her and licking her face. "

Yes, I am scared of dogs. I just try to be polite when people bring their pets around. I would hate to offend someone and sever a friendship over my dislike for their dog. Pets are like another family member to most people. Therefore, telling someone to lock their dog up in the closet until I leave is the equivalent of saying "Please lock your sister up until I go. Thanks." After I witnessed my sister get chased down and bitten by a unruly black dog, and hearing the horror stories about my mother's childhood dog Rusty, I am a bit weary. Rusty had to be put down after he attacked my aunt...

6. "The “Smoky” voice."

 At least people laugh at it.

7. "Sarah got AP English student of the year…and wasn’t present to receive her award"

 I had an appointment.

8. "Sarah does not believe that she is one of Ms. Serensky’s favorite students. Sarah is extremely modest, and I know she just wants to avoid bragging, but no one is going to believe that Ms. Serensky gave you the award “because she felt bad for you” Sarah."  

 I never said that "Ms. Serensky felt bad for me." She does not feel bad for me.

9.  "Hitting the road with Sarah is always an adventure; she is talented enough to drive without the use of her hands, eyes, or full attention."

This insinuates that I text while I drive, and that I do not keep my eyes on the road. I would like to set the record straight: I do not text when I drive. I always have both hand on the wheel and both eyes on the road...fully prepared for a car that runs a light or a deer that bolts out in front of my car. I only crashed once, and it was in the garage.

10. "Her blog address is sarahpeross.blogspot.com. What is that “pe” doing between “sarah” and “ross” you might ask?" 

 SarahRoss was taken, Sarahpross was taken, and Sarahpetersross was taken. What did you want me to do, change my name?

11. "Her creative writing story. Sarah let me read the beginning stages of her “Adventures at the Cavs Games” and I recommend it to anyone who likes to be entertained. Really, I like any story Sarah is telling, she makes everything so funny."

I think its just Kaleigh that thinks these are so funny.

12. "Sarah can do cornrows, or rather one single rat-tail cornrow down the back of your head, after which she gives up."

I do know how to do braids. I taught myself after my dad would not pay $10 per braid at a vacation resort one time...I do not blame him...

13. "Sarah has about a million nicknames, and she only pretends to dislike them"

 Who likes the name Rossipoopoo? Its not possible to like that name, so I certainly do not even secretly like it as you apparently think I do.

14. "Sarah is so sincere, example: “Ms. Serensky, please write my essay.” Isn’t that what we all really wanted? All that complaining was just a smokescreen to hide what we were really asking for, and Sarah summed it up in six words."

 She didn't write it for me.

15. "Sarah is a great writer, and always has been, just check out her childhood journal, she’s a natural comedian."

Sure...

16. "Sarah is embarrassed by her friends; she shushes us if our voices become too piercing in public places. When I told her about this post she made a face and told me everyone would think I was weird and I shouldn’t do it. Obviously, I went ahead with it anyway, but please vote on my poll and let me know if you think this is weird."

My mom always told me when I was little, "Were in public, act appropriate" Wait...she still tells me that today.

As for the visuals on Kaleigh's blog , I am thoroughly embarassed.