English Class by Kanye West

When we were playing the game in class and someone described Kanye West as "the guy who nobody likes who dissed Taylor Swift," I'm pretty sure that I heard someone say "I still like Kanye." It sounded like Ms. Serensky. Though I could did not previously picture her as the Kanye type, I figured that it would be o.k. to do a "Homecoming" remix because I am pretty sure she said that. I might have been hallucinating. But regardless, here it is.  

Yeah
And you say Chag city
Chag city, Chag city

I'm comin' to class again
Do you think I’m gonna pass the exam?
Do you think I’m gonna pass the exam?
'Cause I'm comin' to get a five, to get a five

I met this lady when I was 16 years old
And what I loved most she had so much soul
She said, "Excuse me, my new students, I know you don't know me
But my name’s Serensky and I don’t like packing lunches"

from that point we knew she packed her lunch
learned so much in that first year we liked to show it off
she made her class tough, did tons of work and stuff
Data sheets ‘till 3 am because they take so long

And when I stayed up I wondered when I would be done
Past my bedtime I worked away, so astounding
I told myself to trudge through it to not get a B
you should never mess with deadlines or you’ll get a D

She said your done now lets watch a fun movie
Knew Moushumi’s face was quite a sight so put it on the screen of the t.v.
I guess it's why English class is just very funny
She said, “Hey, keep laughin’ and keep laughin’ ‘cause that is so funny

(I'm comin' to class again)
Do you think I’m gonna pass the exam?
Do you think I’m gonna pass the exam?
'Cause I'm comin' to get a five, to get a five

Do you think I’m gonna pass the exam?
Do you think I’m gonna pass the exam?
'Cause I'm comin' to get a five

Maybe I should memorize some quotes

But if she really cared for us
Then she would have never showed us that pic, because its scary

Sometimes I still talk about it
But when I talk about it, it always seems like I have a bad dream

She said, "We’re gonna blog- you’ll like it just like me”
you can rap or praise Dooneese if you choose

But just don’t be rude, and don’t embarrass me or you
Talkin' 'bout bad curse words and stuff ‘cause its just not cool"

Now everybody got the metaphysical conceit question wrong
I guess she never taught it but she’ll teach it before we’re gone
I guess this is why I'm here so I can pass the exam
But if you don’t pass people, she’ll hunt you down in the hall

Every one of you is representin’ her, makin’ her proud
Reach for the a 5 so if you fall you don’t get a 2
stand out in the crowd, make sure not to have a breakdown

And if you don't know by now, I'm talkin' about Chag town

(I'm comin' to class again)
Do you think I’m gonna pass the exam?
Do you think I’m gonna pass the exam?

'Cause I'm comin' to get a five, to get a five



Students, do you remember when, you did not even know how to begin?
Oh, now I’m comin’ to class again, to class again
Students, do you remember when, you did not even know how to begin?
Oh, now I’m comin’ to class again, to class again
Maybe I should memorize some quotes

Loyee, oyeee, oh, loyee, oyeee, oh
Comin' to class again
Loyee, oyeee, oh, loyee, oyeee, oh
Comin' to class again

I really can’t believe it’s the end.

Byebye Sereeree

   I have a plethora of nicknames, some of which include Rossipoopoo, Ross the Boss...Sar Sar. Due to the fact that few poeple call me "Sarah," I tend to come up with nicknames for other people as well. Even the cashier at the grocery store named Janet. I call her Janiqua. Little did Ms. Serensky know that I came up with a nickname for her as well midway through junior year: Sereeree. I came up with this nickname in strings class after watching the French Open. I call Serena Williams "Sereeree," and realizing that Serensky and Serena sound much alike, I decided to make Ms. Serensky's nickname Sereeree. I dedicate this entry to Sereeree. Her class provided us with much important information and skills that we will carry with us for the rest of our lives. For most of us, if not all of us, AP English became a big part of our daily life. It also became most of our day. Data sheets from 3p.m. to 3 a.m., or for some of us a few hours each day and 3 p.m. to 6 p.m. or so the night before. Those were the good times. Eating Fig Newtons, possibly crying, and typing away at out Data Sheets. Working on those baby SOAPstones for a few hours and whipping them out, usually not crying and eating Fig Newtons in the early morning hours. The valuable reading and annotating, in my case obsessive compulsive annotating, where we wrote essays in the margains of the book. Yes, my notes in the margain of Amsterdam were far better and higher quality than the actual essay that I turned in. The discussions. They brought out the best and the worst in us. We learned to assert ourselves and deal with the fact that differing opinions do not mean wrong opinions. Unless of course you imply that you can tell the future or that a group of people in a story are indeed humans when they might not be humans. Those areas get a little bit questionable. We used to fear homework, but now we fear no homework due to the fact that we think that we are missing something and that we will show up to class failing to complete some assignment. Who else does that? Nobody, I assure you. Did you before AP English? We must appreciate all of the pearls of wisdom Ms. Serensky provided us with. Thank you Sereeree.

Junice, Madea, Ms. Serensky

Ten reasons why you should take AP English. They are arranged in order from least best reason(10) to best reason(1):

10. You might just get to blog. This provides you with the perfect way to post embarrassing pictures of your friends from Facebook on your blog multiple times!  Like pictures of them strangely staring at a flaming marshmallow on a twig that they hold in their hand! How fun!

9. You can talk in class without raising your hand, and Ms. Serensky does not get mad. In fact, do not raise your hand unless instructed to or you will look a little bit weird. This helps to avoid arm/shoulder pains or cramps. If you need to say something, just blurt it on out. Freedom of speech at its best.
8.  The freedom: Writing is subjective, so you possess the freedom to express your own unique outlook on the text through your essays and discussion points. No more right or wrong answer. As long as your support it, you can talk about virtually any topic of your desire(within moderation, and with the appropriate type of essay) The Cavs, Saturday Night Live...you choose!

7. The heated discussions:  When people start spewing at the mouth and voicing their various opinions things get a little hairy. This person offends that person and so that person makes a snarky comment to spite them and then they give each other death stares for the rest of class and roll their eyes every time each other talk. Forget the fact that the whole time they are arguing you are not getting discussion points. It is funny to watch the hysterics! These moments alone make AP English a worthwhile endeavour.

6. The books: They make you think. If you think Twilight is deep, wait until you enter into AP English. You will discover a whole new meaning to the word deep. No more picture books for you! Now, when you sit at the dinner table with your family, you can contribute to the conversation with some intellectual insights instead of just shoving your mouth with food or staring at a wall. You can even talk to the intellects at your school about some high quality literature and they will not look at you like you speak gibberish.

5. The movies. WOW is all I will say.
4. Ms. Serensky knows her stuff. If you fail the exam after her intense preparation I do not know what to tell you. Sorry, your fault.

3. You can be yourself: If you turn in a final project video in which you dress up like a man, speak in a horrible accent, and wear an Anderson Varejo wig, Ms. Serensky will not outwardly judge you. She might judge you on the inside, though. I am not in any way condoning wearing wigs to class on a daily basis.
2. The constant laughter: I do not remember the last time I left the classroom without laughing. I would rank Ms. Serensky up there with Junice and Madea, which truly shows her comedic nature. A true comedian. If you do not like to laugh or smile, or even open your mouth for that matter, this class is not for you. Wait, I took it...

1. Must I even say? Data Sheets. Data Sheet Eve is better than Christmas Eve and New Years Eve combined. You get to stay up the latest!

Just Kidding...

The Real Number 1: It might help you to uncover a passion that you never knew you had.

Creeping in the Window

Lady Bracknell, McMurphy, and Ralph, all extremely concerned as to how Sarah does on her AP English 12 Literature Exam, gather outside the Rec Center where Sarah sits to take her test. Lasy Bracknell's carriage sits in the senior lot waiting for them to return.

Lady Bracknell: "This shilly-shalling with the question is absurd."(Wilde 9).

McMurphy: [These] questions ain't bonebreakers, they ain't sticks and stones."(Kesey 68).

Lady Bracknell: "I would strongly advise[her] to try and acquire some [intelligence] as soon as possible, and to make a definite effort to [find the answer]."(Wilde 15).

 Ralph: "Take your time, [Sarah]"(Currie 255).

Lady Bracknell: "Hardly a thing to be encouraged."(Wilde 9).

Ralph: "Go for years." (Currie 46).

Lady Bracknell: "[Your] idea is grotesque and irreligious [Ralph]."(Wilde 50).

McMurphy: "Okay then...I hope [Sarah] isn't hearing this."(Kesey 122).

Lady Bracknell: 'I think it is high time that [she] make up [her] mind."(Wilde 9).

McMurphy: "[She] might never get...it [the answer]."(Kesey 273).

Ralph: "Quit worrying" "She understands." (Currie 246,248).

McMurphy: "It's simple enough [the exam]. There ain't nothing noble or complicated about it."(Kesey 73).

Lady Bracknell: "I am glad to hear it...[she] should know...everything."(Wilde 12). 

McMurphy: “You’re right.” (Kesey 72).

 Ralph: "Keep track of time [Sarah].” (Currie 253).
 

The stop time approaches and passes, and Sarah puts down her pen.

Ralph: “She’s smiling. She looks happy." (Currie 255).

The three stooges head back to the carriage. They must wait for the results until mid-July(about the third week to be exact).

Empathizing with Junior

           My favorite book of the year, by far, is Everything Matters! due to that fact that we did not complete a Data Sheet on this piece. The end. Just kidding, we wrote three in-class essays on it, so clearly, we did not avoid any work. I always seem to face many major predicaments while completing Data Sheets.  I wasted "precious moments" of Ms. Serensky's life  The conversation: " For the setting do we have to include... like street names?" Ms. Serensky replied "Precious moments of my life are ticking away right now." If we were to complete another Data Sheet for Everything Matters!, I would have inevitably had a question. Due to the typical nature of my questions, I would have wasted more "precious moments" of her life. None of this happened when reading Everything Matters!, which adds to the likability of the novel. Another crucial likability factor is the ability of a reader to sympathize, or better yet empathize with the characters. I found myself empathizing with Junior. Right from the start, we discover the umbilical cord wrapped around fetus Junior's neck: "The umbilical chord draws tighter around your throat"(5). In case you did not know, the umbilical chord was wrapped around my neck as well. Note: this did not at all contribute to the largeness of my head. Due to our similar prenatal situations, I empathized with a fetus right off the bat on page five of the novel. Not often do you find yourself empathizing with a character so soon without more personal information, better yet a fetus. I did. Similarly, I used to "Sit on the kitchen floor...and brood like an unhappy child" as Junior does (37). As a child, we had a three-level shelf in the kitchen next to the window, one of the shelves at the bottom about one inch from the ground. Whenever my sister and I got in trouble or were just looking for something to do, we would go sit on the bottom shelf and laugh, cry, or not laugh and cry. It was the cool hang out spot at the Ross Household until my 6'3 father decided to dance around the kitchen one day and shake the floor until the shelves fell over and broke. Junior and I, we both needed some alone time, though he sat on the floor ...and technically, I sat on a shelf an inch from the floor.Close enough. On a more serious note, the book made me think about my life and my future, which made me a little scared. I fear doing something that I do not enjoy.  I began to realize, just as Junior does, that "It does all matter. All of it"(268).  I feel as if after reading this novel, I have had an epiphany of sorts. I need to do what I enjoy in life, like eating Fig Newtons and watching basketball.And maybe even get a job so that I do not end up living in a cardboard box. Maybe aspire to be on Saturday Night Live one day. Clearly, I related well to this novel. Thank you Ron Currie Jr., for this wonderful piece of literature.

My Top 10

These are in order from least thrilling(10), to most thrilling (1).

10. The day I learned the value of paying attention in class. It was in 10th grade Honors Algebra II when I got a D on a test(in other words I thought that the world was going to end) and so I tried very hard to understand the next chapter. I did significantly better on the next test(a D+, just kidding it was an A), and thus from then on forward, and to this day, I pay attention in class. It will improve your grades drastically that I would "bet you anything"(Wilde 17). I would bet you a million dollars. 

9. The day Ms. Serensky read my Dream Journal out loud to the class as part of her "Blog Banter." It is always nice to know that someone appreciates your writings even though every other word is spelled wrong. When you are in third grade and do not know how to spell "stub," you should possess some concern because, quite frankly, "its pretty simple"(Currie 156). It was especially reassuring when Ms. Serensky told me "It's alright" after I told her that I was indeed in third grade at that time, and visibly a bit behind the learning curve in the writing department. This particular moment finally assured me that "It's alright" that I could not form a sentence in third grade. I feel a little bit smarter and maybe I can go off to college now. Thanks, Ms. Serensky.

8.  Though they do not have a high school class called, "Outfit Styling" in our school, I believe that dressing appropriately for school or any type of public venue is extremely important. Thus, when Mark Wood first walked onto the stage in orchestra with his skin tight leather laced up pants and see through white shirt, I learned something very important. What not to wear EVER! I would never wear such an outfit unless in costume, "I'd sooner die" (Wilde 25). Though I appreciate his spunk and eclectic sense of style, it taught me a very important lesson in which I consider to fall under the category of academically thrilling.

7. The day I learned how to say the word "corn" in French class. One might tell you that they learned how to say "corn," or "le mais" in Middle School French, but I did not learn such a thing until high school French. This moment was academically thrilling not only due to the fact that corn falls into my top five favorite foods , but due to the fact that this very word helped me many a time on French speaking exams. One time the speaking prompt was: "How do you spend your money?" Of course, I went on a corn field day with that one, "you can hardly imagine"(Wilde 15). Corn was about the only word I knew, and it helped me to get an A on the speaking exam multiple times.

6. The day I finished the book Nickel and Dimed by Barbara Er...I refer to her as Barbara, plainly and simply. Ms. Serensky, I know you will probably roll your eyes when you read this, but I it needs to be said: I never fully read a novel/play/short story for school up until that point. Therefore, this moment made me feel like a true scholar. I could finally classify myself as a scholarly student! Success! You are probably thinking to yourself, "Are you serious?"(Currie 149). Yes, I am serious. This was one of the most fulfilling days of my life.

5. The day we beat the "Dream Team" at the multiple choice game. Though some people believe that I "leech off of Kaleigh and that my claim to fame is Kaleigh," I still find this day to be most academically thrilling. And people, you are right, Kaleigh and her 92% always help our team out. But we must not forget Emily and Cat who get alot of answers right as well and help Kaleigh to settle me down when I realize how many answers that I have gotten wrong proportional to the total number or problems! I look at my score and "I'm disappointed in myself"(Currie 165).

4. The day that I got back my paper in which we wrote about what we would do if the world were to end upon turning 36. Finally, I realized that maybe I should actually try to make an appearance on Saturday Night Live one day. It made me truly take into consideration the advantages of possessing a big forehead and a little sense of humor, as there can never be enough Junices, or "Dooneeses" as some say. This epiphany was quite the thrill, as I realized that I might as well try and do something entertaining with my life besides become a corporate lawyer! I boredom might cause me to end up "as crazy as loons"(Kesey 145).

3.Writing the argument essay on my AP Exam. The saddest thing is that I am not sure that I am even spelling argument right. I enjoyed writing it. Let me just say that I do not at all write argument essays in my spare time, "I swear"(Kesey 47). Anyhow, on my AP Exam Argument essay, I based a body paragraph on Indiana Pacers fans and how I am able to diss them in a humorous way in order to avoid hurting their feelings too much. I love basketball, and I hate people who are not Cavs fans, so to describe my methods of dissing Cavs haters on the AP Exam was quite a thrill, and an essay in which I wish I had a copy of.

2. The day I received an English award last year. The only other school related award that I had ever won was the "Perfect Attendance Award" in 8th grade. I was so proud of my "Perfect Attendance Award" because it was my only one, that I framed it. All I had to do was show up to school, nothing else. That's what makes the whole matter so sad. This is what I thought when I approached Ms. Serensky after not being there: 'She's [Ms. Serensky] so furious"(Kesey 5).

1. Passing my AP Exams. Anything to take less classes in college next year. I need as much time as possible to devote to Buckeye sports. I knew that I should knock out some credits, "I just thought it would be better"(Kesey 265). Go Bucks!

Discrepancies

          My favorite poem, Stephen Dunn's "Discrepancies," is not my favorite due to it's content. I did enjoy the content of the poem might I add. This poem provided me with another recorded memory, just as my childhood dream journal did. The most bizarre of events occurred due to this poem, which ultimately led to my possession of yet another reminder of how truly unique I still am to this day, just as my childhood dream journal reminds me of how truly unique I was before. I openly admit to this uniqueness, and "it probably goes without saying"(108). Anyhow, my interpretation of the implications of Stephen Dunn's work was that you should look to gain a better understanding of the people around you and look to see their true colors. In the poem, Dunn directly refers to a lady with a jewel on her forehead. Therefore, I thought that I should make my title "The Jeweled Forehead," as I wanted my title to pertain to the poem as much a possible, as well as the immediate focus of my work. I was a bit skeptical though, to really name my paper "The Jeweled Forehead", as I thought that Ms, Serensky would believe me to be a racist when that was not at all the intention of my title. I decided to call Katie Connolly, a voice of reason, to consult her about the appropriateness of this title. She said something along the lines of, "Why is that a problem?"(132). She did not find it to be as big of a deal as I did. Somehow, though we STILL can not figure out how this happened, Katie's cell phone recorded our entire conversation, start to finish. It was the most bizarre thing ever, and the most bizarre conversation ever if you could call it that! Personally, I believe that it was meant to be, as this magically recorded conversation might even top my childhood journal entries. I can not really describe it to you, except for the fact that it was just kind of a little bit funny. When I listen to it I usually laugh, though I only listen to it about once a month since that’s about "all I can manage"(197). I will tell you this, it is quite interesting. Without Stephen Dunn and his poem "Discrepancies," I would not have magically obtained this recorded conversation about the title of my poem. I will probably try and keep it on my phone forever,  like my Dream Journal, as it is a little reminder of my childhood, or in this case teen years, that just really makes me laugh.   English just seems to provide me with ways to form and rekindle such great memories. Thank you, Stephen! And that is why Stephen Dunn's poem will always be my favorite. It provided me with just another memory of myself as a child. I still refer to myself as a child due to the fact that I have the maturity level of a five year old.

It's the Best Day Ever

            The date was Monday, January 31, 2011, to be precise. Since I’m being so precise, I should probably add that I walked into the classroom from the hallway at about 9:27 and headed towards my seat, reached my seat and sat down on it, got out my English materials needed for class that day, then sat down and waited for class to start. If I were to give it a grade on the AP scale, I would give it a 9-, which obviously means that it was my favorite day. Anyhow, “Bobbie’s Blog Banter” soon followed. At the end of her “banter,” she suggested that I dress up as an old man for Halloween next year. This is why it was my favorite day, and why I gave this day a “9-” on the AP grading scale. Had Ms. Serensky suggested that I dress up like a beautiful model or Mo Williams I would give this day a “9/9+,” or potentially even a “9+.” Most people do not consider the day their English teacher tells them to dress up like an old man to be their favorite. I do. Had Ms. Serensky not suggested such a thing, I would not have ventured down to the basement to look for the picture of me as a fourth grader when I actually did dress up as an old man. Upon looking at this picture, most people blurt out “He’s beautiful”(243). Just kidding. When people first laid eyes on the sight, that being me in my old mad get up, they probably thought that they were “sitting there hallucinating a mile a minute”(114). I mean who in their right mind dresses up like an old man? I wish people would have told me “I state quite frankly and openly that you seem to me to be in every way the visible personification of absolute perfection”(31). I mean I thought that I looked good. If I had not ventured down to find this picture, I would not have stumbled across the infamous “Dream Journal” in which I detailed the events of my life from ages 9-11. Therefore, I will forever remember and cherish the day in English in which Ms. Serensky suggested the old man look and helped me to unearth my childhood journal. After referencing my coveted journal so many times, I find it most appropriate to share with you the entry that makes it me like it so much, as well as make this day in English my absolute favorite:

“Hi! Im back. It is nigth! Today we played on the swing set for a long time for so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so long. We played gimungo rocks. Baseicly you swing and than the person who does not swing sneeks to the front yard and gets some rocks from the jarden and they are gimungo rocks they are so so so so so so so so so big and gimungo they come and threw them at us on the when we swing and try to hit us with them and then sneek back to the rocks and get more. It is so much fun I got hit with a rock on my feet and then my shoe come off but not my foot and my toe hurts becuase it is the little one on the end! I do not want a snub becuase my foot falls off. Good nigth. God blesse.”  

A Visit to the Wilderness

This conversation took place between William Bibbet and Ralph a few days after William Bibbet's mother becomes friends with Nurse Ratched. Upon Nurse Ratched setting foot into the Bibbet household for the first time for some dinner, William Bibbet laid eyes on her and immediately evacuated the area. He end up in a wooded area of Sedona, though William "Billy" Bibbet does not have the slightest idea of where he is. He comes across a man named Ralph.
Billy: "No! I d-d-didn't! I was..."(315)

Ralph: "Didn't do what?"

Billy: "Do-do-don't hurt me! Puh-puh-puh-lease."

Ralph: "I'm not going to hurt you. I live here among the squirrels, snakes, and bears my friend."

Billy: "Where am I?"

Ralph: "Sedona."

Billy: "I have been running for a l-l-l-l-l-l-l-long time now. I hope they don't catch me"

Ralph: "Who?"

Billy: "Duh-duh-don't tell"(315).

Ralph: "Who?"

Billy" Don't tell anyone th-tha-a-at you saw me here. D-d-d-on't tell my mother!"

Ralph: "I don't plan on returning to civilization soon, better yet ever. My wife, Bev, hates me. Bev is disda..."

Billy: "AHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

Ralph: (looks around concernedly) Where is Bev?

Billy: "AHHHHHH it's Nurse Ratched!"

Ralph: "Sir, I believe you just laid eyes on a wild bear."

Billy: "It-it-it-it's her. NURSE RATCHED!"

Ralph: "No need to be frightened. Are you frightened?"

Billy: "No, my name is William Bibbet.B-b-b-ut you can call me B-B-illy."

Ralph: "I'm Ralph. My daily activities consist of squirrel watching, snake hunting, and waiting for the world to end. How about you?"

Billy: " Th-th-ere's something over there, a-a-and it looks alot like Nurse Ratched."

Ralph: "Don't worry, I get along with the bears out here, and the squirrels, but those snakes...I'll show you. This brown beauty in particular, I feed him berries and the leftovers of anything I catch. Sometimes these wonders of nature are my sounding board out here. I tell them about my wife and family. Like I was saying before, my wife "Bev is disdainful. She looks down her nose at me."(254).

Billy: "Y-y-you feed the b-b-b-bear?"

Ralph: "Yes, and right about now he looks like could use a little snacky-poo. Better go give it to him. You don't mess with the bears out here."

Billy: "H-h-hoooowwww?"

Ralph: "Well, it's not easy. I'm gonna get real weird with it. There is no normal way to feed a bear without putting your life in danger."

Billy: "o-o-k"

Ralph:  Anyways, like I was saying, my wife Bev and I, "We were a mismatch."(255).

Billy: "o-oh"

Ralph: "Oh, I forgot to mention, this bear right here doesn't always like my leftovers. If he sniffs 'em and does not like them, you will probably be his next meal..."

Billy runs off in a state of panic, clearly favoring dinner with Nurse Ratched at this point.

The Belligerents of AP English 12

            If you can believe it, I, Randle Patrick McMurphy, took AP English in 12^th grade. “Oh, I’m a thinker all right,”(107).  I was fully capable of taking that class. I acted similarly in that class to the way I act now, and I am not sure how much my teacher Ms. Feyrensky appreciated it. If there is one thing I know for sure, that Ms. Feyrensky liked me more than “Old Lady Ratched”(216). She hates me. The funny thing is, I am surprised that Ratched did not see the likes of me much earlier, in particular April 8^th of my senior year, the day I flew off the wall in English class. I nearly landed myself in a mental institution. Afterwards, a classmate of mine Kaleigh said, “Deep breathes, it’s not the end of the world.” Ms. Feyrensky looked a little concerned. Here is what happened. It was the morning of April 8^th, 2011. Ms. Feyrensky chose me to read a part in the Oscar Wilde play that we were reading in class at the time, The Importance of Being Earnest I believe. Anyhow, despite my belligerent nature, I did not feel at all capable enough to successfully fulfill my role as a character. In the institution, I am always causing a stir or putting on a production, like the time I was sent up to disturbed after an altercation with a few workers. The time I screamed at Washington, “You’re nothing but a…“(273). The rest should remain unspoken. Despite my constant dramatics, I did not satisfactorily read my part. My uncharacteristic monotone did not meet Ms. Feyrensky’s standards. She stopped me and encouraged me to put more passion into my role. I declined, but not in the most civil of manners. I told her straight up, “Ms. Feyrensky, you chose me to read this part, I didn’t even want to.” I never have a problem speaking my mind. I had an outburst in which Ms. Feyrensky did not see coming. I was all fired up, and speaking in a disrespectful manner. Usually, I feel as if I am bettering the greater good when I speak my mind. Like when I spoke up to Nurse Ratched and took the boys on a fishing trip. This was the one time that I did not feel that way. I disrespected Ms. Feyrensky and I regret it. I mean she never scared me and went off on me. She was not even scary. Half of the freshman class was taller than her. In other words, how could she be scary? I have issues with anyone who publically announces or insinuates that she scares the freshman. She did not even scare the freshman. An apology is probably still in order, though it was years ago. I’m sorry, Ms. Feyrensky.  That was the worst day ever in AP English 12.

 

You Need to Know...

Dear Voice that talks to Junior,
        I wish that you would have just popped on into my head say August 23rd of 2009. I understand that you were a little preoccupied with the apocalypse, but I could have used a little guidance. At about 9:26 a.m., upon entering Ms. Serensky's room for the first time, you should have just came out and told me, "You need to understand this truth"(8). I am not speaking of the apocalypse. You needed to just tell me straight from the start, "You need to understand this truth: To be in this class you need to know how to read, as in you need to read more than one book a year, not counting picture books" Clearly, I could have used this forewarning. Also, it would have been nice to know ahead of time that on the last day of school I would feel compelled to announce to the whole class my dislike for leisurely reading by saying, "I did not like this book. But then again, I do not read leisurely." Not one of my better ideas. With you there, I could have avoided such a moment. I could have avoided trying to compensate for my remark by guaranteeing my teacher upon leaving the room for the last time that year that I would "read 100 books this summer for sure." Who does that? Unfortunately, this was a minor offense compared to some of the other things I did last year. When Mariel demanded that I share the story about my head, you could have told me, "You're about to make the most important decision of your life to date"(190). By "the most important decision of my life to date" I mean whether or not to tell the story about my big head as a baby. It would have been nice to know that if I told this story, that it would make its way onto the third quarter quotes sheet and that people that were not even in AP English would approach me and ask me for the full scoop in my jumbo sized head. Though I am generally a pretty good student, you would not have approved of my decision to schedule an appointment during school, especially on the day of Spring fest. You probably would have abandoned me forever rather than simply telling me that "We have no choice but to suspend our usual stance of supportive neutrality"(116). See, this is why I needed you to tell me about the future. I need to know when important things are coming up. I am not psychic. The closest crystal ball to me is the one at the Science Center, and I do not even think that it is an actual crystal ball since it did not tell me anything the last time I looked into it. A sister needed some scheduling help, and you were not there to provide it. All in all, I could have used you. But I’d say it is too late now. The more that I think about it, you would have creeped me out.
           
Thanks for allowing me to make a fool of myself multiple times last year,
 Sarah


I needed one of these

And I'm Junice

                                    

      Last week, Ms. Serensky called Jimmy and I out in class, as she believed that we were the two people who had not contributed to our the discussion. Poor Jimmy, he was not even in our group. Unfortunately, I was indeed in the group. Of course, I did not have the word "time" in my paper, the word in which we were to relate to our work. I thought that this would work in my favor, as I believed that it meant that I could get away with not sharing the ideas in my paper with the class. I was delighted...until about 10 seconds later when Ms. Serensky called me out. Then, I was not delighted anymore. I would like to explain the hesitance I possessed towards sharing my paper. I made may references to Saturday Night Live's  Junice from "The Lawrence Welk Show" spoof. After sharing with a few classmates, I realized that none of them watched Junice on a regular basis. I am glad that they do not, because it only airs on Saturday Night Live once or twice a year, which means that they would have to go on nbc.com and watch the same six minute video over and over again (I certainly do not do this. I don't know all the words to all of the videos). That would concern me a bit, as Junice is not your average gal.  Many people tell me that we look alike because we both have big foreheads. It concerns me...greatly concerns me. Despite her weirdness, and occasional inappropriate innuendos, I am a fan of Junice. I am a member of a Junice fan club on Facebook. I invited many friends to join this fan club with me, but none of them did...

I feel you just can not start talking about Junice to a class full of people who do not know the likes of her. When my cousin first talked of "Junice" and her hilariousness, I thought that he was referring to someones grandmother, or some old lady that he knew. Therefore, to just ramble on about Junice in front of 20 people who probably do not even watch her, did not seem to be the most prudent thing. I try to uphold a reputation of being somewhat normal, so telling people about my plans to become "Junice's sister" on Saturday Night Live before the world came to an end seemed to be a bit problematic.

Here is a Junice video. Though you might think that you notice some striking similarities between the two of us, you really don't. Now, maybe, I can speak of Junice.


http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/the-lawrence-welk-show/727501/?__cid=thefilter

Grammer Miss-steaks

      Over the past week or two, I have come to the realization that people just can not spell. I suffer from a mild panic attack when I don't know whether to add a comma to a sentence, while some people go around saying "their" instead of "there." I have received a plethora of interesting text messages over the past few days. These texts, coupled with a few Facebook posts and the signs that I witnessed at the Cavs game tonight, have been quite the shock to my system. Try these out on a paper, and I guarantee that your grade will drop from a 6+ to a 1- in a matter of seconds. They are in no particular order, as they are all just as bad as the next:

1. "Good riddens mo williams" This is a text I received after the departure of Mo Williams from the Cleveland Cavaliers.

2. "How will you get here at 3? Are you going to skip. I'm calling the principle" Another text. Sure, you can call the "principle" on me. Hope they call back.

3. "I'm running a little late. Hold tight I'll be their in a second" Text message gone wrong #3...

4. This one, if you can believe it, was a sign at the Cavs game that a girl hold up as she screamed to Anderson Varejo. She was close to the Cavs bench, so security brought it down and he actually signed it... "ANDERSON VAREJO, I THINK YOU ARE THE LOVE OF MY LIVE!"

...i bet he is the love of your "live"

5. "THE SPURS ARE JUST ANOTHER WEST COSTE TEAM" They have the best record in the entire league, so they aren't just another west coast team...but they are probably just another "west coste" team...

6. A Facebook message. Thankfully it was a message...so that nobody else could see it: "hi! how are you? is the whether warm in by you? its nice here. do you like school?" I said that it was a little chilly out...

The only advice that I can give you is to avoid correcting these people at all cost. Obviously, they do not realize the severity of their grammar issues. Therefore, they become hostile when you point out their error(s). Just pretend like nothing is wrong, and respond politely. Also, I would not recommend using these various spellings in your next essay. Though they are creative in come cases, and interesting spellings, but they will most likely result in a .5 deduction. Believe me, you do not want to start racking up a bunch of half point deductions. After lets say about 16.5, your self-esteem reaches an all-time low. I know from personal experience...

In case you ever run into any confusion:

A Response to "These Are a Few of My Favorite Things"

Last night, my friend/classmate posted a blog entry for the sole purpose of commemorating me before my 18th birthday.(I am not sure we can be friends after this, though)  I would like to thank Kaleigh for the immense amount of effort she put into making my birthday extra special this year. On the other hand, I feel as if her 16 "Favorite Things" need a bit of explanation. Below I have provided experts from her blog entry, along with my defenses.

1. "Sarah is really good at krumping and rapping."

 Kaleigh does not listen to music(maybe except for the occasional classical piece) The few times I have sang some Kanye are the closest thing she has heard to rap. Therefore, she does not understand the true essence of rap, and that my rapping is not good.

2. "The phone messages she leaves for Katie Connolly, truly, they are jewels."

This is why I usually text people.

3. "THE ALL-CAPS TEXT MESSAGES SHE SENDS ME PERIODICALLY, WHAT A YOUNG BELLIGERENT."

I am/ was a young belligerent. In preschool, I got put in time out frequently for meowing and crawling around like a cat after playtime was over.

4. "Sarah was almost named Betsy, in honor of Betsy Ross."

I would have been honored to carry the name of such an important figure in the history of our dear country. People don't forget the "y" at the end of Betsy like they do the "H" at the end of Sarah.

5.  "When she contradicts herself in the course of a single sentence, example:  “No, no, really, I like dogs!” (As she cringes and flinches because of her proximity to a dog). To be fair, the dog in question was climbing on her and licking her face, but it was pretty funny to see Sarah, clearly uncomfortable, insist that she was completely fine with a dog climbing on her and licking her face. "

Yes, I am scared of dogs. I just try to be polite when people bring their pets around. I would hate to offend someone and sever a friendship over my dislike for their dog. Pets are like another family member to most people. Therefore, telling someone to lock their dog up in the closet until I leave is the equivalent of saying "Please lock your sister up until I go. Thanks." After I witnessed my sister get chased down and bitten by a unruly black dog, and hearing the horror stories about my mother's childhood dog Rusty, I am a bit weary. Rusty had to be put down after he attacked my aunt...

6. "The “Smoky” voice."

 At least people laugh at it.

7. "Sarah got AP English student of the year…and wasn’t present to receive her award"

 I had an appointment.

8. "Sarah does not believe that she is one of Ms. Serensky’s favorite students. Sarah is extremely modest, and I know she just wants to avoid bragging, but no one is going to believe that Ms. Serensky gave you the award “because she felt bad for you” Sarah."  

 I never said that "Ms. Serensky felt bad for me." She does not feel bad for me.

9.  "Hitting the road with Sarah is always an adventure; she is talented enough to drive without the use of her hands, eyes, or full attention."

This insinuates that I text while I drive, and that I do not keep my eyes on the road. I would like to set the record straight: I do not text when I drive. I always have both hand on the wheel and both eyes on the road...fully prepared for a car that runs a light or a deer that bolts out in front of my car. I only crashed once, and it was in the garage.

10. "Her blog address is sarahpeross.blogspot.com. What is that “pe” doing between “sarah” and “ross” you might ask?" 

 SarahRoss was taken, Sarahpross was taken, and Sarahpetersross was taken. What did you want me to do, change my name?

11. "Her creative writing story. Sarah let me read the beginning stages of her “Adventures at the Cavs Games” and I recommend it to anyone who likes to be entertained. Really, I like any story Sarah is telling, she makes everything so funny."

I think its just Kaleigh that thinks these are so funny.

12. "Sarah can do cornrows, or rather one single rat-tail cornrow down the back of your head, after which she gives up."

I do know how to do braids. I taught myself after my dad would not pay $10 per braid at a vacation resort one time...I do not blame him...

13. "Sarah has about a million nicknames, and she only pretends to dislike them"

 Who likes the name Rossipoopoo? Its not possible to like that name, so I certainly do not even secretly like it as you apparently think I do.

14. "Sarah is so sincere, example: “Ms. Serensky, please write my essay.” Isn’t that what we all really wanted? All that complaining was just a smokescreen to hide what we were really asking for, and Sarah summed it up in six words."

 She didn't write it for me.

15. "Sarah is a great writer, and always has been, just check out her childhood journal, she’s a natural comedian."

Sure...

16. "Sarah is embarrassed by her friends; she shushes us if our voices become too piercing in public places. When I told her about this post she made a face and told me everyone would think I was weird and I shouldn’t do it. Obviously, I went ahead with it anyway, but please vote on my poll and let me know if you think this is weird."

My mom always told me when I was little, "Were in public, act appropriate" Wait...she still tells me that today.

As for the visuals on Kaleigh's blog , I am thoroughly embarassed.
                            

Six Word Request

Ms. Serensky, please write my essay.

Dream Journal

        As I was searching through the storage bins in my basement to find the picture of me dressed up as an old man, I stumbled across a brightly colored spiral notebook. It caught my eye, so I stopped my search and opened it up. It was none other than my "Dream Journal." As a younger child, I used to struggle to fall asleep at night. Therefore, my dear mother bought me this "Dream Journal," which instructs you to illustrate and write out the events of the day to clear your mind before falling asleep. This journal holds colored pencils inside the front cover for illutrations, in which I took very seriously. According to multiple entries in this journal, I was 9 years old. I would like to share an entry with you:
"Hi Me!
     Its me Sarah! Today, I played outside the INTIRE day! I did not wear my shoes so my feet got black and my mom got mad and she made me wash them of in the hoes outside before I came in. I played capture the flag outside becuase I am athletec. I like soccer. I am a rebal! My mom said to go to bed at 8 oh clock. I am awake the clock says 810 I am a rebal! She can not see me because I have my reading ligth. I turned of the ligths in my bedroom and so I am sneeking around with my reading ligth it goes on my journal so I can see what I write. When I hear her coming I pretend to fall asleep so i close my eyes. I am a rebal! I ran in front of a car today it was scary. I ate nine cookies! I saw a rainbow today and I looked for a poot of gold but it was not at the end I was sad. Bye. Good nigth"

The illustrations that went with this journal entry included the following: a rainbow, a "poot" of gold, a person standing next to the "poot" of gold that I labeled " a lepracan," and a reading light
        

             Evidently, I was a young belligerent, staying up past my appointed bed time to write in my journal. Therefore, maybe I should not mock journaling so much anymore. Whenever we have an infamous "Dear Journal" moment, I laugh myself to tears and think to myself, 'Who writes in a journal these days?' Then, I find 50 pages worth of journaling...my journaling. After mocking the use of a journal so much this year, I would like to remind you all that journaling is not as silly as we make it out to be, or Ms. Serensky makes it out to be. My journal helped me to fall asleep at night for two years, and become a young belligerent.

Auden Look Alike?

          Today, in class, Ms. Serensky suggested a W.H. Auden look for my next Halloween costume.  By W.H. Auden, I mean 80 year old W.H. Auden. She seemed to think that the look would scare people away, thus making the perfect Halloween costume. I nodded in agreeance. Little did she know, I dressed up as an old man for Halloween back in fourth grade. Of course, I did not mention this in front of the class. Last year, after divulging the story about my big head as a baby, it found its way onto the third quarter quotes sheet. This meant that not only did my 10 person class hear about my big head, but all AP English 11 and 12 students heard about it. For days after the release of the new quotes sheet, people came up to me to ask me various questions about my big head, and some just stared at my head as I passed them in the hall. As a matter of fact, a few days ago, someone came up to me and asked, “Sarah, remember last year when you told us about your big head? Well I know what the formal name of the medical condition is called!” Of course, I did not retain the name of this condition in which many now believe me to have had. I do not like having a five finger forehead. Maybe people would think I didn’t have such a big head if I had not told them about my infanthood that day in class. I knew, that if I told Ms. Serensky that I dressed up as an old man in the fourth grade, that it would inevitably end up in the quotes. Therefore, I kept this information to myself. On the other hand, I would like to point out that dressing up like an old man is not as bad as all of you probably think. Upon the suggestion, many people looked slightly perturbed. They could not even imagine buying an old man costume. It might be extremely weird, and I am still not quite sure what compelled me to do it. On the other hand, I landed myself sometime in the spotlight after showing up to school in this costume. You could find me on the District Homepage, the Intermediate School Yearbook on multiple pages, and the School Newsletter. I was a star. Room mothers swarmed me like the paparazzi, admiring my “cute” old man costume, and snapping shots. Therefore, being an old man for Halloween is not that bad. Thank you, Ms. Serensky, for suggesting such an idea, and reminding me of my ephemeral days of fame back in fourh grade. So classmates, do not discount the idea. It could bring you much fame and fortune.

The picture that appeared on many pages of the school yearbook. Though I do not believe that I look too much like Auden.

 

Elizabeth Bishop: Could It Be?

       On Monday, Ms. Serensky presented us with two images of Elizabeth Bishop. The first image, located towards the top of the page, was clearly of Bishop. The second image, located below, raised much controversy. Upon laying  eyes on it, I yelled out "That can not be her." At first glance, I saw the profile of an old man sitting in a chair with a cat. Ms. Serensky assured us that it was indeed Bishop, and clearly she was not making it up. Why would she put a picture of a random man holding a cat on the Elizabeth Bishop page? Still, despite this logical reasoning, I doubted the presence of Elizabeth Bishop in the photo.  I visited Google to once again view the controversial image. It appeared on multiple Elizabeth Bishop websites, and began to look like Bishop (and more importantly a woman) with each viewing. After putting so much time and energy into lamenting over the infamous Elizabeth Bishop picture, I had English on the mind...in particular pictures of authors. I suddenly remembered the troubling image of Jhumpa Lahiri located at the back of The Namesake, where she sits staring at the reader with her eyes popping out of her head. The more I though about it, the more I realized how often I look at the author's picture in the back of the novel, or on the back cover, and ask myself, 'What were they thinking?' After scouring the bookshelves for a few minutes, I came across a plethora of author pictures that caused me much confusion and concern. Here are a select few:

Jhumpa Lahiri, The Namesake

"I'm watching you" ... creepy.


Elie Wiesel, Night

My mom would never let me get photographed with my hair sticking up like that!


Fast Food Nation, Eric Scholsser

Eric, don't worry, be happy.

If I were an author, I would be especially particular about the picture in which I chose to put in the back of my novel. Especially these influential authors and their works. Works that millions upon millions of people read. Therefore, millions upon millions of people lay eyes on these pictures. I am not at all implying that these people are weird or ugly. I just do not quite understand their choices of visual representation. From Jhumpa Lahiri's bulging eyes, to Elie Weisel's tousled hair, the entertainment never ends. I have recently deduced that some of these authors find themselves to perfectly normal, contrary to what I think. Others probably look to make a statement with their off putting pictures. Or maybe, just maybe, they care more about what is in the book rather than the 2x4 picture of themselves that hides toward the back. Most people could really care less about the thumb- sized image of the author. Of course, I care. Maybe I should just stop caring about what the author looks like, and focus more about what the author looks to convey through his/her powerful work. Just a thought.

"Wiki" Deja Vu

        The moment Ms. Serensky introduced us to the Blog Project, undesirable memories of the 10th grade Wiki Project snapped back into my consciousness. I experienced a flashback to Honors English 10 class. I suddenly remembered suffering from multiple nervous breakdowns brought on by the time consuming Wiki Project. I suddenly suffered from a mild form of a nervous breakdown after realizing the fact that a large part of the project consisted of us constructing a creative site, with creative entries. Creativity is something I lack. My first entry included literary devices after every quote, and three quotes in the paragraph(Obviously, I struggled to break free from the formal analysis when writing my first blog) A few entries later, I was writing all about the time I crashed the car into the garage, tearing two doors off...and somehow finding a way to connect this unforgettable incident to AP English. Soon after, I changed my title from "Sarah Ross's AP English 12 Blog." I began to deviate from the formal analysis. Therefore, I believe that this blog project has helped us to find a creative outlet to talk about other aspects of english besides strictly the book. Due to this project, I feel that I have been able to better understand the implications of the text and the topics we discuss, as it has guided us to connect the events/themes of the novel to our own lives, and the lives of people around us. Though I am no Lizzy Burl(a creative blogging expert), writing songs about the books we read, I believe that I gained a creative outlook on the topics we discuss in class, and the novels we complete. If we do not continue our blogs next semester, I will miss them...and the Blog Banter.

Sarah Ross vs. Rossipoopoo

       For my first blog entry, I wrote about my dreadful nickname Rossipoopoo. In that entry, I failed to mention that my coach, and many of the people in which I hit with, consider Rossipoopoo to be my alter-ego, a person completely different from myself. Often, when I play in a tournament, my coach asks me, "Is Rossipoopoo or Sarah going to show up to play today?" At first I laughed at this funny joke in which I did not find to be true, or at all accurate. Then, I slowly came to realize the validity of this statement, and their assessment of my two, completely separate personalities on the court. I do not believe that I suffer from any psychological disorders when I play tennis, but I am no certified professional...

   Sarah Ross, the name on the tournament draw sheets, quietly sits and waits for her match to start. She greets her opponent kindly, usually reciprocating a warm "hello." Sarah goes about 50 percent in the warm up, conserving her energy for the match to be played. Sarah maintains a calm demeanor throughout the course of the match. She hopes not to show her opponents her frustration, or even fear, as she knows they will feed off of it. When Sarah double faults, she laughs. When Sarah hits an easy shot out or into the net, she brushes it off and focuses on the next point. Sarah barely utters a word during her match, other than calling out the game score, of course . She refuses to question her opponents call, as they usually, and unfortunately, do not change their mind after they hook her. Sarah would never scream out in frustration, or ever think to slam her racquet on the court in anger. Sarah has a winning tournament record. Where has Sarah gone?
       Rossipoopoo, the recently established alter-ego, and separate tournament player, acts nothing like the calm and collected Sarah Ross. Rossipoopoo walks into the tournament site, and usually gives her opponent a little glare (as to intimidate them). She wants to win, and carries out what she believes to be intimidating tactics. Rossipoopoo gets a little bit carried away in warm up, and tries to hit the ball as hard as she can (an "intimidation tactic") Really, Rossipoopoo only tires herself for the impending match (now her impending doom, but she believes differently). When Rossipoopoo double faults, she smacks her leg in anger, usually leaving a hand print for the duration of the match. She slams her racquet on the ground when she hits the ball out or in the net. Rossipoopoo usually sticks to her two main calls of frustration, which include "SAR-UH," and "NO-UH." Rossipoopoo always talks to herself after points (a little bit concerning). Needless to say, she went 0-9 one tournament season.

      I realize that Sarah and Rossipoopoo hardly parallel the psychological disorder in which Andrew Laitus suffers from in the film Shutter Island. They do not even constitute a psychological disorder for that matter. My tennis instructors and acquaintances simply discovered another way to incorporate Rossipoopoo into my life (great), for the sole purpose of further pestering me. They decided to connect their favorite name Rossipoopoo to my crazy on-court behaviors. I would be a bit concerned if I indeed believed in the existence of this character Rossipoopoo. If I did...would I know?

Rewind

         Wow. I did not at all expect to find out that Teddy Daniels, in fact, does not exist, in the film Shutter Island today. I did not expect to find out that this man, whom I knew to be Teddy Daniels, suffers from hallucinations, and probably a host of other psychological disorders, and committed many crimes to land him on Shutter Island. And then, to add to the confusion, we learn that Rachel does not exist...and never escaped? I titled this scene of the film "Inception Part II," as I once again watched the screen dumbfounded and thoroughly confused, as I did when watching the final scene of the film Inception this summer. I do not know if I should believe the doctor and his claims about the world this Andrew, who I previously knew as Daniels, made for himself to cope with his violent behavior and acts of crime. Honestly, I feel a bit of disappointment after today's discoveries. I wished for Rachel, Daniels, and Chuck to all hop onto a ferry and all become friends on the ride back to the mainland. Then, I find out these people do not exist. Great. Excellent. First, I wonder how I did not at all see this coming. Secondly, my happy ending can not happen anymore. Ultimately, I do not believe that the real ending will provide me with a tremendous amount of dissatisfaction. Realistically, I believe that the end to the film Shutter Island will carry across a powerful message about the nature of mental institutions and mental health care of the 1950's. Or at least I hope it does...or I will go back to being slightly disappointed that Daniels, Rachel, and Chuck do not exist, and will not wave goodbye to Shutter Island from a ferry boat.